Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
