i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
