We're facebook friends in real life
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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