checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just gift wrapped bread.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
