well I can't set my house on fire every night
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
