It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
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I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again