It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....