he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
