Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
