she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
