I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
