That's when you crack a 10am beer
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
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officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
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Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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