God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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