you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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