My entire life is one complicated drinking game
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
