I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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