GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
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I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize