Im at strip club and am horny
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
