after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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