Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
