If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
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He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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