Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
