He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
