So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Randomize
