This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
