If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I AM VODKA MAN
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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