I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
