Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My balls are so social today.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
