there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
