I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
