GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
