guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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