OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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