Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
