it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
