it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
