Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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