I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
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Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.