Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him