I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
