your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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