just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
