bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
sarcasm needs its own font
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
