Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
