Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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