The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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