Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
