I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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