i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
