That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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