he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
