just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
