"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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