Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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