i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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