K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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