I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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