How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
