I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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