Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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