I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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