so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
