Your dad touched me again.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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