worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
