it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
