so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
