There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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