I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...