I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.