Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
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So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
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He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?