She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
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You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
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You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...